#No because you don’t understand how long I’ve been preaching this

[final-boy-todd-simmons]

Yeah I’m normal about them (Do not look at the tags)

David and Adam....

[vamp1r3k1tty]

Can you do a Captain Hook romantic fic with some smut please 🙏🥺, with female reader

It starts off with the theme from “love ain’t it” and then it ends with the theme from “love is sweeter”

Thank you so much for the rec!!!

I’m a sucker for smut so ofc I can boo 😝

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Pairing: Hook x Fem!reader

Summary: In which the real daughter of Mother Gothel finally gets taught how to love

Warnings: smut, neglect, mommy issues, swearing

Authors note: I decided to make this a mother gothel’s daughter ff because with the theme “love ain’t it” I thought she could be the neglected daughter of Gothel (like Cassandra from Tangled the Series) in which her mother never cared for the way she did Rapunzel. Thus being taught her whole life that love isn’t the answer. Hope you enjoy!!

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𝒮𝒽ℴ𝓌 ℳℯ ℋℴ𝓌 𝒯ℴ ℒℴ𝓋ℯ

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Mother Gothel. You probably know her from the tale of how she kidnapped Princess Rapunzel, locked her in a tower and used her magic hair for her own gluttonous actions. Blah blah blah, whatever, but what you don’t know is that she had another daughter. A daughter of her very own blood. And that daughter is me.

When the truth came out about how my mother was a criminal that kidnapped the royal baby of corona and locked her away her whole life, only exploiting her for the magical healing powers that her hair graced her with, people were appalled to say the least. The royal family got their happy ending when they all reunited once again. Their long lost daughter finally returning home after 17 years was a story to be told for centuries to come. They got their happy ending and the whole of Corona rejoiced.

But what about me?

When’s my happy ending?

My mother lived a double life, living in the tower with the daughter she always wished she would’ve been graced with, returning to me in the ‘home’ we shared with only the intentions to turn me into a monster like herself. To continue her legacy.

Which seems to have worked. Since here I am, Merlin’s academy, stalking in the shadows just like my mother always taught me to do. She said I didn’t need friends, because they made me weak. But what stuck with me the most, was that she told me I didn’t need love. “Love ain’t it” she used to preach everyday. I suppose it always stuck with me because deep down I knew, she didn’t love me the way a mother should love her child. She didn’t love me the way I deserved to be loved.

But now I understand that I never truly deserved to be loved because the daughter of a monster like her never gets the happy ending she so desperately wants. Don’t get me wrong, I would never want that happy ending now. Love makes me sick, that’s for sure, and that may be the only thing my so called mother ever truly taught me right. Love does make you weak. And love most definitely ain’t it.

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Now when I told you I didn’t believe in love, I wasn’t lying, however that doesn’t mean I don’t like to get involved in other activities.

I quietly pull on my clothes and exit the dorm of the guy I’d just slept with. Only one round and he lasted two minutes. Two. Whole. Minutes. Then he proceeded to fall asleep with me laying beside him in shock. The second he nodded off and began snoring obnoxiously loud was the moment I knew I could make my escape.

I rolled my eyes and continued down the hall to the courtyard. It was currently around 1pm. My free period. And for some reason I decided to waste it on this good for nothing guy I don’t even know the name of.

I decided to walk around and people watch. I always found people fascinating, but I guess that was just because the only person I’ve ever known was my mother, and she’s dead and rotting. Maybe it was a good thing my mother never taught me how to love since that just made her death all the more easier. She ruined my life, kept me hidden in the dark, and after all her dirty deeds she’d commit, the karma that had been so rightfully coming her way hit her like a wrecking ball.

I clearly hadn’t hid myself well enough in the shadows as I was taught to since I bumped into someone, none other than the sea queen herself, Uliana, and her pathetic little posse. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Gothel.” She spat my name at me like it was worthless. Which I suppose it is.

The rest of her gang crowded around me and I could only roll my eyes at their attempts to intimidate me. “Uliana.” I retorted, half-assed. She cocked her head to the side and laughed, the rest of them joining in.

“Just came back from hooking up with one of your little boy toys, hm?”

“I did actually!” I replied with false enthusiasm. “But I guess you’ll never experience how good that actually feels.” I fake pout and her gaze hardened and the others let out wolf whistles and choruses of amusement.

“She got you there Uli!” Morgie, the weakest link of the group, chanted and laughed in her face, only fuelling her anger more.

“So, Princess.” None other than Hook himself began talking and strode over to me, arrogantly, then proceeded to get right up in my face til we were merely centimetres apart. “When you gonna come to my dorm next.” He plastered on a sickly sweet smirk and glided his ice-cold hook across my cheek. “I’d love to share this “experience” with you that you so gloat about.” He bit his lip and his eyes flickered down to my own, then back to my eyes again.

“Too bad you’ll never know.” I kissed my middle and ring fingers, then pressed them to his own lips as he raised his eyebrows at me, smirk never leaving his face. I walked backwards, making sure to hold eye contact with a smirk of my own until I finally swivel around and walk the way I came towards my alchemy class.

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Sat at the back of the classroom with no partner beside me, as per usual, I didn’t expect anybody to join me. Until the seat that had been empty for months was finally pulled out. I payed no mind to it, just assumed whoever it was had picked the wrong seat and would soon realise that they were about to perch next to a death wish itself.

However, they made no attempts to move, so I decided to lift my head from my arm and glance beside me. Though I did not expect for said person to already be staring at me with curiosity of her own.

“Maleficent? Are you even in this class?”

“No, but Hook has taken quite a liking to you, and I must say, you somewhat intrigue me too.” I sat there and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, then she rolled her eyes and continued talking. “He wants you to meet him at the water fountain after school is over. I suggest you go.” She then said nothing else and proceeded to stare at me for the rest of the lesson.

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After that weird encounter with Maleficent, I went back to my dorm and doodled in my notebook.

Living in neglect, I used to always write poetry as an outlet, a way to express my emotions without actually expressing them. Then I became somewhat of an emotionless freak and now I just write about the ways I want to feel.

I’ve had writers block for a while now, but maybe now that I’m being exposed from my place in the shadows, I’ll have something to write about. Eventually. Considering I’m still sat with nothing to write about.

I thought about meeting Hook after school, I really did. But I thought back to what my mother said and all those thoughts dissipated as soon as I had even thought about them. It was around an hour or so after school had finished, and no sign of Hook, which furthermore led me to assume that he never actually wanted to see me in the first place and Uliana and her goons just wanted to provoke me more than they’d already tried to.

Suddenly banging sounded on my door, waking me from the haze I was in, I begrudgingly got up from the comfort of my bed and opened it.

“Hook?”

“Hiya Gothel.”

My eyes widened and shot down to my attire, for I was wearing none other than my low rise pyjama pants and my boob tube top. I internally winced, knowing I didn’t look my very best. I knew I’d hear an earful from him and his clique if he were to tell them about it.

His own eyes widened and looked me up and down, then proceeded to giggle at me. I only looked at him in confusion. Somehow, he seemed to take my silence as an invitation considering he barged into my room and plopped down on my bed. I rolled my eyes and closed my door, opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off. “Oooh what’s this.” He picked up my notebook and began looking through it.

“Not for your eyes!” I lunged forward and jerked it out of his hands before he could get a word in.

“Alright lassie, I didn’t see anything.” He giggled again. “Why, is it your secret diary?” He taunted. “Do you write about all your little love affairs in there?” At this point he was cackling, so I shoved the book in my drawer and cut him off.

“What are you doing here, Hook?”

“Well I did get Mali to tell you to meet me at the water fountain, but clearly you didn’t get my message.”

“Message received, James. I just didn’t reply.”

“Oooh we’re going by first names now are we Y/N?” I crossed my arms and deadpanned at him. “Okay okay! I just wanted to see you, but I guess I received your message too.” He stood up and walked towards the door.

“Wait!” My arm shot out and grasped his own, which seemed to have been the reaction he wanted because he turned to face me with a cheek eating grin.

“Yes, my dear Y/N?”

“What did you want to see me for?” He walked towards me, my hand still on his arm, and got right up in my face like earlier on today. He smiled at me, and for a moment I almost thought it was genuine. Almost. Then he trailed his hook across my face again.

“Why do you think, Princess?” He asked me, rhetorically, and I knew this answer. At this point the coldness of his hook was sending tingles down my spine, and our close proximity was enough to make my knees weak.

“I don’t know James. Why don’t you tell me.”

He smirked and leaned forward “How about I show you?” He entrapped my lips in a bittersweet kiss. It started off slow, until it was clear what both of our intentions were. The kiss progressed quickly, considering I was pressed up against my door, hand on my neck and hook down the waistline of my pants.

Our tongues were clashing and it was clear as day who had dominance over the situation. In all my hookups, I was always the one taking control. But with James it was different. And I loved it.

I let out a whimper and he tugged me up, so he was carrying me, back still pressed firmly against the door. I pulled away for air for not even a millisecond, and James had already latched his lips onto my neck, leaving love marks all over.

He trudged me over to my bed and settled me on my back, looming over me seductively. I pushed him away and tore off his shirt hungrily, revealing his perfectly sculpted body. I bit my lip and closed my eyes in desperation. When I reopened them, James was gazing at me in awe. He took his hand and rubbed my cheek.

It felt different from before. He was looking at me with a sense of security. I felt safe in his arms. He leaned back down and kissed me again, this time much gently. For a moment I succumbed to the warm fuzzy feeling I had bubbling in my chest, before I realised what was happening and flipped him over onto his back.

He seemed surprised I’d taken control and let me work my wonders on him, letting out whimpers of his own. I pulled away and smirked at him, in which he proceeded to stare up at me with those beautiful doe eyes of his. “What’s the matter Jamesy? Cat got your tongue?” I was now grinning as he shut his eyes tightly, pushing himself further into the bed.

To say I was turned on would be an understatement. In fact, I was indubitably stimulated in all the sweet spots in my body. I was legitimately turned on with the most arousal I had ever felt in my life.

I ran my fingers through his hair before latching onto his soft strands and pulling myself into a hungry make out session once again. This time, he pushed me away and ripped my own shirt off.

Considering I was in my boob top- more specifically my lounge attire- I had decided to not wear a bra, much to Hooks pleasure considering he flipped me onto my back again and eagerly devoured my breasts.

I couldn’t help the moan that had escaped my lips and he kissed me recurrently, fondling my tits in his coarse palms.

I was desperate.

I wanted him.

I needed him.

Thus I pushed him off me, to his dismay and he looked at me in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak until I shushed him and took my pants off.

I prompted him to do the same, trailing my fingers down his torso and over his clothed phallus. This seemed to get a good reaction out of him as he threw his head back and whimpered once more. Quickly, he took off his own pants and before he got the chance to reside above me once more, I had already sat on his lap so I was straddling him.

I decided to grind my hips against his own as his dick only doubled in size, poking my own clothed pussy through his boxers.

We stared at each other in stupefaction and desperation for a moment. His eyes were the most beautiful sight I had ever gazed upon. I could get lost in them for centuries.

“You’re so beautiful, James.” I said, earnestly.

He chuckled. “I should be saying that to you, my dear Y/N.”

We smiled at each other and I proceeded to run my fingers through his hair again.

Then his smile fell.

“You don’t have to do this if you want to Y/N.” I looked at him in confusion. “I’ve been teasing you about it and said I wanted a shag, but if you’re not actually up for it then we don’t have to do anything. I really respect you, Y/N.”

I could only gawk in astonishment. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“It’s just that… none of the guys I’ve slept with have ever been so…” I trailed off, unable to find the right words.

“So… consensual?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Yeah. But it’s fine!” I cut him off before he could say anything. “I do want to do this with you. I want to do everything with you.” We smiled at each other again. I leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Also, that was really sexy.” I giggled and kissed him again.

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I couldn’t tell you how long we had been in that same position, just making out, but eventually we had both fully stripped and he was looming over me.

A sweaty mess.

An insanely attractive, sweaty mess.

He was deep inside me, skin slapping skin and the only thing I could focus on was our chorus of moans. His chorus of moans. The way his eyes rolled back every time he pounded into me had me close to my climax.

If this man asked me to get on my hands and knees and beg for him, I literally would. No guilt in that at all.

I thrusted my hips up to meet his own, one of his hands rested on my tit, and the other wrapped so laboriously around my neck. I was so edged and I could say the exact same thing about him as he praised me with each stroke he hit.

“You feel so good Y/N oh my god” his grunts and moans felt like the biggest reward I could ever receive.

“I’m so close James.” I panted.

“Me too princess, me too.” The way he normally called me princess was all part of an act. Just an effort to taunt me. But the way he called me it right now had me under his spell.

As quick as those words left his mouth I had already come undone underneath him. I moaned his name so loud I was almost sure the whole of Corona could hear me, but this clearly untied the knot in his own stomach as he climaxed soon after me.

He stayed inside me for a few seconds to prolong our orgasms, still on top of me for a couple moments more, then pulled out and rolled beside me, tugging me onto his chest.

His hands stroked through my hair so precisely, each strand he touched managed to tickle my scalp and I found myself snuggling into his side.

He ogled down at me and I looked up at his gorgeous features. “What?”

“I’m just looking at your beautiful face, my dear Y/N. Am I not allowed to do that?” The way he looked at me gave me butterflies. His gaze made me feel like the only girl in the world. And if I was, I’d happily be his girl.

I let out a small chuckle before I realise what was happening. My eyes widened and I sat up quickly.

“What? What’s wrong?” He followed so that our eyes were level.

“No. No actually, you’re not allowed to do that.” I sprung on my bed and rushed to put my clothes on. “You should leave, Hook.”

“Wh- did I do something?” He mimicked my actions.

“You did more than just something.”

“I’m- I’m sorry Y/N. I really care about you, I don’t-”

“That’s the problem!” I snapped. “You shouldn’t care about me!” At this point, tears had welled up in my eyes and threatened to fall. But I wouldn’t allow them to. Not in front of him. I sighed and looked at them ground, my shoulders slumped and my arms fell by my side. “Nobody cares about me…”

“Is that what this is about? You’re insecure?” He asked sincerely.

“I’m more than just insecure Hook! I can’t do this cutesy-relationshipy stuff. I’ve never been loved. My mother always told me that love isn’t the answer. That’s how I’ve been brought up. I can’t show love because I don’t know how it feels…”

“Then let me show you.” He walked over to me, carefully as though to not trigger me again. To show me he truly cared. He latched his fingers under my chin and lifted my head to look at him.

Not his hook. His actual working hand.

That was my final straw as a tear managed to work its way out of my eye. “What?”

“Let me show you what it’s like to be loved. Let me love you, Y/N. I want to love you.”

He encapsulated me in a soft hug and I let myself melt in his touch. “I want to love you too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Please show me how to love.”

And with that, he kissed me again. The sweetest kiss I had ever received.

For once in my fucked up, isolating life, I truly felt loved.

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A/N: Hope this was okay! I feel like this was so long 😭😭 I was fr writing for ages. But what my lovelies want, my lovelies get 🤭😝

[justalia]

The Self

i haven’t been here in a while and i’ve been exploring the law more and more, gaining even more insight.

i know i haven’t been active as much as i was before but as i said i will come on here to write about what i feel needs to be shared instead of just yapping and sharing things i don’t feel strongly about or just repeat myself.

this is a concept that has been discussed and talked about by many, me included. i personally have always wondered a lot about this, i have understood the concept in theory and applied it too but never managed to live by it, until now.

“The Inner Man”

this is how most of us know the concept i’m talking about, this is the name we’ve all collectively given it. i bet you’ve read the phrase “you are the inner man” several times, hell i have preached it several times.

i think thinking of it in this way sometimes tends to create separation between “you” (the human you) and the you in imagination. at least that’s how i felt when i first read about it last year when i was first approaching the law, even if that’s not what the people who write about it are trying to say.

the idea we’ve all seen repeated over and over by bloggers is that the real you is in imagination and you should identify with the inner man and satisfy your desire with the feeling of having said desire because “that’s what you actually want”.

and that’s partially true.

the inner man’s concept in the way that it is worded inevitably creates separation and makes you believe there’s two entities, the physical you and the one in imagination and that you have to put effort into identifying with the one inside or just “have faith” that it is true.

i don’t know about you but both effort and blind belief have given me problems in the long run because the truth is that you need to study this and understand it for yourself to truly know what this means. knowing something requires no effort and no belief, you just KNOW it is like that and nothing can move you from that. same as knowing the sky is blue, you don’t just “believe” it, nor it requires effort for you to identify the sky as blue, you just know it.

Q. but i can see the sky is blue! i know it is blue because i have proof.

knowing doesn’t always necessarily require physical proof, it can just require understanding and realization and that is what i want you to achieve at the end of this post.

you need to get to a point of knowing you are the one inside and not just “trusting” it or believing it because that is what everyone tells you to do, if you don’t sit on the concept and realize it for yourself blind belief will only take you so far. i suggest you’d do your own research and study everything that inspires you in this law, there’s several places where you can find the source and believe me when i tell you no blogger can be as helpful as your own realizations.

as all feelings of separation, even this separation between the imaginal you and the human body will inevitably bring you troubles in the long run. believing that they are both you will bring confusion and fears inevitably arise. you feel anxiety, you have fearful thoughts and you freak out because as long as you believe it is you, you will inevitably assign it a meaning and that will lead you to think it has some impact on you and you don’t have any control over what happens.

you will start to think that since you had this thought it means you are “out of the state” so it will affect your “manifestation”, you’ll start to think that anything you imagine takes life and expresses without you having any real control over it. you will start to think you are the thoughts, the feelings, the states and you will start to desperately try to control them and/or yourself or better what you believe to be yourself.

you will feel you are your mind and have no control over it, you will lose the safety you once felt inside of imagination and you will not feel alone inside of it.

Self

the Self i’m talking about is the real you and the only one.

sit back in a comfortable position and relax for a few moments, try to quiet the mind, observe the thoughts, drop the judgements.

who am i?

ask yourself this question.

let thoughts come and observe them.

who is observing? your Self.

are you the thoughts or are you the one observing them?

are you the fears or are you observing them?

are you the anxiety or are you observing it?

are you the body or are you observing it?

are you the mind or are you observing it?

are you the thing perceived or the perceiver?

who is that?

The Self.

the one and only self.

there is no imaginal you and physical you. you are the perceiver of all things, you are the dreamer. there is no “i must look for the feeling because that’s how things get expressed” there is no feeling to look for, no effort put into fulfilling one Self whatsoever because once you’ve realized who you are that’s only natural to experience what you want inside, there is no craving for outside validation because the body is not who you are.

the Self inside has experienced it and that’s the only thing you will crave because You have experienced it.

i’m not gonna tell you it won’t take a tiiiiny bit of “effort” AT FIRST to identify with your real Self whenever you’re involved with the ego, because we have habits and habits such as identifying with the ego are not immediately let go of. but i don’t even wanna call it effort because once you hit the realization of who you really are you will WANT to go back to that, it will inevitably feel wrong to identify with the ego because even if comfortable you’ve realized that is not you, it will feel temporary whenever you go back to being the ego.

you don’t need to intentionally identify with the “inner self” aka the only identity you have, you are unlimited consciousness CHOOSING to identify with the ego and the body.

IT’S NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

that’s why you struggle with this. because you think you have to do something to identify with the self when you simply already are, you just let go of the ego identity you’re so desperate for right now.

[circescircle]

Sir?

An Adam x Reader Fic

A.N. - This one is going to be kinda rough. I’ve been wanting to make something about Episode 8 for so long and I found the BEST inspiration during my history class. I’m really hoping this goes well ‘cause angst is kinda hard for me to write. Enjoy, my dears

Cw: Descriptions of blood, stab wounds, and overall harsh injuries / Descriptions of multiple deaths / Derogatory name for Charlie

Adam bleeding out on the battlefield.

To be an Exorcist required a few things: being harsh, unfeeling, ruthless, and ‘badass’. The last part was added by Adam himself.

It required being able to kill off the sinner scum and protect Heaven. There was no need to worry about them fighting back. They can’t. It’s not possible. It shouldn’t be.

So why the Hell was the Hotel’s grounds littered with red and golden blood? Only angels bleed gold. Only angels have angelic steel. But, somehow, these vermin got their hands on it. And now multiple angels have fallen, some injured. Callie was surrounded by cannibals, Mia lay crumpled and left for dead, Alex was hung on a wall with a spear through his shoulder, and even Lute was missing an arm.

All because little Miss Princess couldn’t take no for an answer.

Then there was Adam. The first man, the leader of the Exorcists, and a close friend. ‘Friend’ was rather inappropriate considering everything you’d gone through together. Being one of the few people to ever see his face spoke volumes of how much he respected and cared for you.

He was an asshole: rude, misogynistic, blunt, aggressive, egotistical, and overall a huge prick. It was obvious why his two wives left him. He seemed to care only for himself. The definition of a red flag.

And yet, he wasn’t like that anymore. Well, he was, but not as bad. Everyone noticed. Somehow, at some point, he started to care about you. At first, he hardly noticed. You were just a cool person that didn’t put up with his shit. You were hot. And fun. And patient. And safe…

And then he realized. He was fucked. He promised himself he wouldn’t let that happen again. Not after the last person ruined everything because she wasn’t satisfied with paradise. But no matter how hard he tried, you just wouldn’t leave and damnit it made it worse.

Now he felt anxious when he didn’t see you amongst the others. The chaos was making everything so much harder. Where were you? Were you okay? Did they get you? Are you safe? He absently shot a pack of sinners as he frantically flew around, looking for you. Then a flash of your mask caught his eye. You were by the dumbass hotel shits and that clit-licker that started it all.

He landed behind you, “The fuck are you doing?” He aggressively grabbed your shoulders, looking you over for any injuries, “I told you not to-”

“Take them head on, I know. But I’m not some weakling, Adam. I-”

“You don’t fucking get it, bitch. I- I just…” he hesitated. You knew. He knew you knew.

A pause.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

You sighed, putting a hand over the one on your shoulder, “Okay. Just… don’t-“

You both paused at a pained groan and a small giggle. Looking down, you saw gold trickling down his chest and a small, pink bug holding a knife.

It took too long to react, but you pulled him to you, kicking the creature back. He was shaky, clinging onto your back from the shock, “Shit.”

You could hear cheering from Charlie and the supposedly redeemable sinners.

“Adam,” you grabbed his face, “Adam, look at me.”

How could they preach about redemption when they’re willing to kill someone for not agreeing with them?

He coughed harshly as you held him up, only for him to spew out golden blood. He leaned into you, clutching his stomach. “I got you,” she held him closer, “I got you, I got you, I got you.”

Someone walked closer, “He’s done for, ‘sweetheart’. Take your-”

A sharp glare shut him up.

———

“Two weeks?”

They nodded, “We’re guessing. He lost a lot of blood, you have to understand that-”

“I get that,” a sigh, “just… take care of him.”

Please.

[remuswriting]

Cut the Cameras

Sequence Shot

SMAU + WRITTEN (1.4k words)

Saturday, December 5. 1:15 PM

“Okay, what’s going on?” Y/N asks after the fourth time Tooru fidgets on the couch. It’s the first weekend they’ve not had anything planned in months, so they decided just to spend it at home. No cameras or dressing up. They could just breathe and be around each other.

Tooru’s eyes widen as he looks away, but Y/N doesn’t let up. He can’t or else they won’t talk about whatever is bothering Tooru. For someone who preaches that communication is key, Tooru struggles with it.

Y/N tilts his head slightly as he raises a brow. “Well?”

Tooru’s cheeks turn a faint pink color, and Y/N forces himself to not get distracted by how sweet he looks.

“I… I want to talk about Kenma,” Tooru says softly, and Y/N’s heart stops. Yes, he’s wanted to have this conversation for weeks, but he’s terrified of what Tooru may say. “Well, I don’t really want to, but I think I’m ready to.”

Y/N slowly nods. “Okay. How do you want to do this?”

“I want to be as honest as possible, but what I’m going to say isn’t going to be entirely nice,” Tooru says, running a hand through his hair and grabbing at the ends of it. Y/N knew this conversation wouldn’t be the best experience ever, but he hadn’t expected a disclaimer.

“Okay. Say what you need to.”

Tooru bites his lip so hard Y/N worries it’s going to bleed. It’s how he’s trying to figure out how to word it that makes Y/N’s stomach churn. He hopes he gets sick so he doesn’t have to see Tooru act like this. Even with the reminder that it’s just Tooru—his Tooru, who loves him—he’s scared.

“I’ve… I’ve never understood how you like multiple people at the same time,” Tooru starts, “And I know that I can’t understand it because I don’t experience it—I’ve never liked anyone else, and it’s made it hard figuring out how to talk about this.”

The guilt in Tooru’s voice has Y/N sitting up, wanting to get closer to him. He wants to speak, and he goes to, but Tooru puts a hand up right as Y/N opens his mouth.

“I’m—I’m not done.” Tooru’s voice shakes so much that Y/N wishes he was. “I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty, but knowing you like other people is hard on me. I worry that I’m just not enough. Do I need to change to be enough?”

“No!” Y/N blurts out, and his heart pounds just from hearing that. “Never think that. You are enough—you’re more than enough. You’re everything to me.”

Tooru’s frown doesn’t turn into a smile. “That’s how it is for me with you. That's why I don’t understand.”

Y/N waits for Tooru to continue, but he doesn’t. There’s more Tooru is going to say, but he’s giving Y/N the time to speak. It’s a moment where they can have an actual conversation.

“I don’t understand it either—really, I don’t—because I’ve never felt like you weren’t enough. Just as I’ve said, you are more than enough. You’re everything I need,” Y/N says, and he’s been trying to figure out how to put this into words for years. The first time being in high school, and his explanation still falls flat to him. “It’s just different.  Like with Kenma, I like him, but I don’t want him in the same way I want you.”

“And how do you want him?”

Y/N’s dizziness turns into nausea, but he swallows it down. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. He’s not sure he ever really wanted to talk about it. “I want him as a boyfriend, and I want to be with him for a long time, but I want you as my husband.”

Tooru stares at him, not saying anything, almost as if he has nothing to say. Y/N doesn’t know how he’d respond if the roles were reversed, so he doesn’t let the lack of response hurt him. He refuses to.

“Spending time with Kenma is fun and easy, and I get that warm feeling in my chest that makes my heart race. There’s no worrying about what he thinks when around him, because I trust him. It’s almost the same as how you make me feel, just so much smaller,” Y/N says, and there’s no way of knowing if this is the right thing to say. “Which is why I can ignore those feelings if it means keeping you, because I can’t lose you.”

Tooru takes a deep breath in before slowly exhaling. “I worry if I say no, you will end up resenting me, but if I say yes, I’ll end up resenting you. I don’t want either of those things, and so I just don’t know how to think about it.”

“If we continue to communicate with each other as we always have, then it’ll be hard for any resentment to form.” Y/N lets out a deep breath, the pressure in his chest dissipating. “I’m sorry that I’ve made everything so complicated.”

Tooru shakes his head. “No, don’t apologize. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. We’re figuring this out, okay? It may just be hard.”

Y/N moves to where they’re sitting next to each other, and he wants to pull Tooru in. He wants to have Tooru in his lap as they talk about this because having him in his hands and knowing he’s not going anywhere would make this so much easier. It’s just that Tooru needs space to think. He doesn’t need to be crowded in on, but sitting next to each other is okay.

“I love you, and I know you love me too, and we’re going to figure this out, okay?” Tooru asks, and he places a hand on top of Y/N’s. “It’s just going to be hard getting used to it all. You know, sharing you.”

“You’d still be my top priority,” Y/N quickly says, and Tooru intertwines their fingers.

“I know, but still.” Tooru looks at their hands. “It being Kenma makes it a little easier.”

Y/N tilts his head slightly as he stares at Tooru. “What do you mean?”

“I know he cares about you—like he treats you like you’re so special, and that’s what you deserve. Also, I already know him and know he’s a good person, which is nice. It’s not like you have a friend I know nothing about and then brought this up to me.”

“I don’t know if he likes me,” Y/N says, and Tooru looks at him. His eyes are so warm and caring, and Y/N wants to melt into him.

“He does,” Tooru says softly. “He likes you a lot, and maybe you should talk to him first before we continue this conversation.”

Y/N’s brows scrunch together again. “Why?”

“To know if there’s a point to getting into the details of all this.” Tooru puts their hands in his lap. “Sure, we may have to really have it one day, but I think it all changes depending on who that other person is. So, you should talk to Kenma. Maybe confess and ask him what he thinks about it all.”

“But it’s better if we decide if we can handle this as a couple,” Y/N says, and Tooru looks away from him.

“I think we can, but I really think it all depends on who the other person is. If you told me Kousaka-san, then it’d be an immediate no. It’s easier to think about it with Kenma, so just talk to him.”

Y/N doesn’t know how to tell him that the very idea of talking to Kenma about it terrifies him. Maybe that’s why this conversation had been a little overwhelming, because the answer of yes, Tooru is okay with it was actually an option. Because although he doubts Kenma would ever mean any harm, Y/N fears rejection more than anything else. He fears his short film losing. He fears Tooru leaving him. So this fear of Kenma rejecting him isn’t random or new. It’s been something he’s had his entire life when it comes to people.

But he could try to talk to Kenma. Besides the worst being Kenma saying no and making things awkward, not much be affected. They had different lives before they met each other, even though Y/N doesn’t want their lives to be different anymore.

He slowly nods. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Cutaway Shot | Sequence Shot | Fast-Cutting

NOTES: Please know that Y/N's and Tooru's conversation was incredibly difficult to write because I want to portray poly relationships in a healthy light. When writing this, their relationship is healthy but they're just in a place that's difficult to navigate. If it at all comes off as unhealthy, then please say so because that's not at all what I'm trying to portray.

Masterlist

Taglist: @chaoswrites @princessmidas @adriivette @riahyayarii @that-bi-bitch-writes @magmagicstyle @yeoshwan @seijohiselite @tfstuffs @zawadni @kennylovesberries @starlight0faith @nyxmania

[landoom]

As a long time F1 fan, it’s blows my mind how scrutinizing “fans” are these days. It genuinely feels like the drivers have to watch every little thing they say or else the internet will just take any little comment and run with it as if that driver is the worst person to exist.

I’ve seen the clip people are talking about with Lando and like? I don’t understand why everyone is losing the minds over it? Yeah alright he definitely could’ve had a little more empathy but I highly doubt he knew the extent of what they were dealing with heat wise, I can imagine it’s frustrating when he himself was not feeling well from the heat either.

If “fans” are so upset over people not having empathy why are we focusing on a little off hand comment that I highly doubt had any malicious intent behind it, rather then the insane amount of hate that goes around in this fandom instead. It gets frustrating to watch bc these “fans” anger always is so circumstantial. And this goes for any driver.

They don’t care about empathy when they’re contributing to the tons of hate about a driver they dislike or when death threats are getting thrown around but are more than willing to get angry about a random comment and preach empathy and respect only when it’s beneficial for them or fits their narrative they have of a driver. In this case Lando.

Anyway sorry for the rambles, I’m just so sick of all this hate. It’s been so upsetting to see what the F1 fandom has become over the last couple years. The hate was always a problem but it just seems so much worse now.

You don’t like someone? Ignore them. Bc hating on drivers like this is only making you a worse person.

I'm 100% agreeing with you here.

Lando's comment was not the best thing to say but we actually don't know how any of the people involved were feeling after the race nor what knowledge Lando has about what happened after the race with George and Lewis. For all we know, they could have seen each other there, George and Lewis might actually have had heatstroke or not, and Lando might have felt bad too or not. And, for me, he was more making fun of how Toto shared an update when we didn't even see an official statement about Franco, for example. But that is my way of interpreting what he said and I can understand that other people have interpreted it in another way.

Still, some people feel allowed to judge and hate when we don't have facts to base our judgment on. You can be shocked by Lando's words of course, but some comments clearly came from people who were just waiting for another excuse to hate on him.

But it goes further than just the question of was Lando's comments right or not...

Social media are wonderful because they bring people closer but are also an awful invention!

Back in the 1990s when I started really actively following F1, we had to rely on magazines and interviews around the GP. We barely knew anything about the drivers. And I'm so grateful for the access we now have to them but we still need to respect some boundaries here!

And we need to touch grass and remember that, drivers and sportsmen in general are first and foremost human beings. Which means they have flaws. Some see them as role models. I don't.

I understand that you can decide to not like or stop liking a driver because he expresses opinions you don't share. But for me, it will never excuse hate. And, like you said, you can't preach something and act the opposite when it suits you and hope you'll be respected for that!

[jesus-is-an-ally]

How do you get past feeling stupid when you believe in God? Like, how do you ignore the feeling that you should be an atheist and not believe in God and that all this is just, a fake made up religion meant to control people? And obviously when i say you i mean i. I want to believe but i feel so dumb for it. I know im a smart person but every time i get involved with christianity i feel like im taking to an imaginary friend because thats how everyone refers to it. I feel like im feeding into an industry that colonized people, when i dont even go to church.

And ive had experiences with God that feel so unlike any religious experience ive had, but my brain always forces me to logic it away. Like ill feel an immeasurable level of calm and happiness and then my brain will go 'those are just endorphins'. How do i get past that?

Long read ahead, but I encourage everyone to read it, because I did my best to answer this and I think there's some good stuff in here.

Hey anon. First I'd like to say that I am not professionally trained, I do not possess a biblical degree of any kind, nor am I a pastor or a priest or anyone like that. But I have been a Christian my entire life, so that should count for something, Lord willing.

I also want to say that I think this is a very good question and I thank you for asking it, as it gave me a chance to think deeply on my faith in order to put it into words.

I always find it really hard to explain faith. I struggle to explain to fellows Christians, to non-Christians, and especially to people who aren’t religious or spiritual in any way. This is probably because faith is very much not a thing of this world, so it is nit easily translatable. But I will try my best.

I too have dealt with doubts in my life. I have felt the need to logic it away. All Christians have one doubt or another, and if they say they haven't, they are lying or potentially believing in a watered down, more palatable version of Christianity.

Either way, let's face it, the world is designed by the devil to make you doubt. The good news is that there is no question or doubt or critique that is going to make God start shaking in Their boots, realizing They hadn't thought of that. They are omnipotent, and anything you are wondering can most likely be found in the Bible, if you know where and how to look.

There are many books that explain the logic of Christianity, such as “Person of Intrest” by J. Warner Wallace or “The Case for A Creator” by Lee Strobel, who has also written many other books similar to this. Fair warning, it’s been forever since I’ve looked into either of these books, so there’s a chance there’s questionable stuff in there that I don’t remember.

However, I do need to say that faith is very much NOT a logical thing. It’s a belief in something that you cannot see, touch, hear, or otherwise sense except with your soul. It's the trust that God is out there, even when you lack concrete evidence.

I believe a person cannot become a believer by force, whether their own or someone else's. You have to truly open up your heart and let the Holy Spirit in. You must confess with your mouth that you believe in the Son of God who died and rose again, that you are a sinner, and that you need forgiveness and guidance.

I'm not pulling this out of my ass, there are a bunch of verses on how faith is not based in the logic of this world. Here are a few.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

For we live by faith, not by sight.

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5‬:‭7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

There's a story I heard when I was a kid about a pastor being asked if he can hear God speaking to him in his prayers, and the pastor responded "no, I can't hear Him, it's much clearer than that". Faith is something practically unexplainable in earthly concepts or words. But it is solid, even it doesn't feel like it.

Hebrews chapter 11 is all about faith and what people have done by it, and I encourage you to read it, but I'd like to specifically call attention to Hebrews 11:1, which says,

Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.

This is the verse often pointed to when people discuss the biblical definition of faith, and it's the best I can offer.

However, it sounds like science and reason is not the only thing you are struggling with. As for morality, how can we be Christians when Christianity was used to abuse, colonize, and murder innocent people all throughout history and even today?

I'm not going to use the bullshit excuse of "oh they just weren't real Christians" because that is unhelpful, defensive, and probably not even true. All Christians are sinners, and hatred, murder, and all of that other stuff are sins, so it is possible that many or all of those people were true believers.

The simple answer to this question is that sometimes you just have to accept that your people did bad things and swear do your best to stop it from happening again (without spending so much energy on it that you burn out). I have had a lot of practice at this since I'm also white.

In German elementary schools, when they teach the children about WW2, what they basically say is “hey, this is our history, you didn’t do it so you don’t have to feel guilt, but you do have a duty to never let it happen again”.

I think this sort of thinking should be taught to the descendants of all oppressive people. I will also add that we also need to check ourselves that no nasty thoughts have slipped their way in. Often, you can continue the hurt without realizing. But this doesn't mean that Christianity is secretly evil or that Christians are inherently going to abuse others or any of that.

At the end of the day, there's nothing I can truly say that will instantly make you believe.

Like I said, it's not something I can force nor is it something you can logic your way into. No amount of evidence, even if it's the most rock-solid thing in all of the universe, can make someone have faith.

I hope there is something in here that can help you in some way, anon, and I pray God blesses you and keeps you safe.

[peachjagiya]

Wow so it turns out taehyung is military police and they allow tattoos so jungkook could’ve been with him. Also the special forces jungkook wanted to join was 4 years and 3 months not the same as what y’all tried to manipulate it to be. Taehyung could’ve went to the front lines with jungkook but it seems their interests almost never align. The only thing stopping a couple or two people more than friends enlisting together is if they’re out. And since y’all say they aren’t i don’t understand why y’all believe they couldn’t have enlisted together. Next you’re gonna say something about them being sex freaks and not being allowed sexual relief because that’s how y’all see queer people. There’s no risk in enlisting as friends. Which is what all of bts are to each other outside of very specific shipping spaces also known as the real world. You need a reality check. The support they could’ve provided each other under the guise of being just friends would’ve been immense and probably change their entire ms experience. Yet you a woman far too old to be obsessing over young men and their sexual lives believes they couldn’t have enlisted together due to your own fantasies and projections. Need i remind you thousands of you prayed for taehyung and jungkook to enlist together despite believing they’re in a relationship and in a homophobic country but since it didn’t happen and it happened with your rival ship all of a sudden you care about the risks they would’ve endured and now you don’t want it. Do you see the hypocrisy? Cannot believe in 2024 y’all continue to exist but i believe if i stay in the fandom long enough I’ll be saying this in 2034 too. Also to add on to this that reporter confirmed again about taehyung and Jennie’s rendezvous in Paris.

let’s do this line by line cos you caught me in the mood.

Wow so it turns out taehyung is military police and they allow tattoos so jungkook could’ve been with him.

Is this news to you? I knew this in December?

Also the special forces jungkook wanted to join was 4 years and 3 months not the same as what y’all tried to manipulate it to be.

what did I try manipulate it to be? Quick. Find examples. Show your research.

Taehyung could’ve went to the front lines with jungkook but it seems their interests almost never align.

none of them have an interest in being in the military. Taehyung was clear he had goals he wanted to achieve, Jungkook is doing something he enjoys. But it’s beside the point: Why do you think couples are facsimiles of each other? They overlap in places, differ in others like… most people who get on?

The only thing stopping a couple or two people more than friends enlisting together is if they’re out. And since y’all say they aren’t i don’t understand why y’all believe they couldn’t have enlisted together.

don’t preach to me about queerness. It’s my life.

Next you’re gonna say something about them being sex freaks and not being allowed sexual relief because that’s how y’all see queer people.

This is what they call a straw man argument. You are forming your attack on a stance I’ve never expressed. You came up with that. You are quite literally getting mad at your own brain, anon.

but if you do think I think that:

Find examples. Show your research.

There’s no risk in enlisting as friends. Which is what all of bts are to each other outside of very specific shipping spaces also known as the real world. You need a reality check.

So deeply entrenched in the real world that you’re on my shipping blog writing essays about thoughts you erroneously think I have. You literally just made up an argument to have with yourself. The call is coming from inside the house.

but be honest, anon. Come on, you can tell me… you’ve been a shipper, haven’t you? Has your ship recently hit an iceberg? Are you feeling a way? Are you now pretending shipping is stupid anyway and you’re too big for it?

The support they could’ve provided each other under the guise of being just friends would’ve been immense and probably change their entire ms experience.

Is it a guise or do I need a reality check? Make your mind up.

Yet you a woman far too old to be obsessing over young men

Oh! Critical hit! Right in the age.

and their sexual lives believes they couldn’t have enlisted together due to your own fantasies and projections.

I have very little interest in their sex life. Again, you’re inventing a person to be grouchy about.

Need i remind you thousands of you prayed for taehyung and jungkook to enlist together despite believing they’re in a relationship and in a homophobic country

Find examples. Show your research.

I hoped they’d enlist at same time, which is what happened minus a day. I never expected, hoped or wanted them to go together.

but since it didn’t happen and it happened with your rival ship all of a sudden you care about the risks they would’ve endured and now you don’t want it.

As you pointed out, I’m old. My internet history is nearly 30 years long and for at least twenty of those, I’ve been banging on about queer rights and injustices perpetrated against queer people. You don’t know me.

but let’s just rewind to your own words:

And since y’all say they aren’t i don’t understand why y’all believe they couldn’t have enlisted together.

and

Yet you a woman far too old to be obsessing over young men and their sexual lives believes they couldn’t have enlisted together

firstly: was I hoping they did or believing they couldn’t? It can’t be both really.

secondly: if I didn’t care about the risks prior to Jimin and JK’s enlistment news, why do you assert twice that I believed they couldn’t enlist? You’re not making sense.

Do you see the hypocrisy?

Do you see that you’re firing every single argument you can think of, contradicting yourself as you go, at what you believe to be a Taekook monolith of enormous size and yet still can’t make one land?

Cannot believe in 2024 y’all continue to exist but i believe if i stay in the fandom long enough I’ll be saying this in 2034 too.

How will I know who to look out for in 2034? I don’t know your name! You’re real mouthy but you’re also anonymous. It’s almost like directionless ranting and anonymity have a correlation…

Also to add on to this that reporter confirmed again about taehyung and Jennie’s rendezvous in Paris.

ah well I’m converted then. Could you let me know which of his stories we are going with so I can be sure I get it right when I go spread the Ta3nnie gospel?

enjoy the real world, anon. I hope the cool non-shipper kids let you into their clubhouse after this!

[proclaimtheword]

(Photo credit from another site. I redacted a name often accused against the pope because I don’t like throwing that word around and I don’t believe in using it against other people, no matter how much I disagree with them.)

It has been more than a week since this happened and the pope said this before a congregation on an official trip to Singapore. I’m appalled that catholic tumblr is utterly silent on this, but not surprised. They really only get up to defend their church against protestants, and then even happily side with unbelievers. I hate fighting with other Christians, of all people, and many times avoid it and just move on. But THIS. Come on. COME ON. I thought we at least agreed Jesus is the only way to salvation! How could you not say something? At least don’t be blind to false teaching!

A catholic, of course, tried to defend it, who actually said the pope is not infallible—but I corrected him on that one (I grew up catholic you’re not fooling me, and yes I have been catechized enough)—then came back to say it only applies ex cathedra: meaning, only when he is ‘in office’ with “full authority.”

I said my pastor then has more integrity. He’s not perfect, but at least he says the same thing whether he is on the pulpit or not. He preaches the same gospel whether at church or in a grocery store. And I never have to make up new doctrine to make him or his job infallible, or exalt him more than necessary to a level higher than a church leader or teacher (I am looking at the saint and blessed pope).

Jesus says, I am The Way, The Truth, and The Life. No comes to the Father except through Me.

How clear can that be? I’ve said this before, No wonder Muslims love Catholics (I constantly refer to Islam on this blog because I live in Middle East; this is also where I converted, and I had never known what it was actually like to be Christian until I lived here). If the world had a favorite type of Christian, it might be the Catholics. And if the world had a least favorite type of Christian, I am sure it’s evangelicals. I mean, even other Christians hate us.

Today I went to church. Have I mentioned we don’t actually have a proper church building? We rent a small villa in a far-side residential area with over 50 people at a service (Praise the Lord! Even in a cramped area and with a tight budget, God still fills our house). We don’t have a name or sign plastered outside identifying as a church. We’re scared because it’s not actually legal to run an evangelical church in this country. But there are Catholic, Anglican, Orthodox churches at least one of each in my city. As I’ve said before, evangelism is illegal, but they will openly convert you to Islam. (I don’t blame them, it’s their country, we’re just here as immigrants and treated accordingly. We don’t try to change laws or culture, and we try our best to live according to the rules. As long as we keep to ourselves and treat it nothing more than a closed gathering, we’ll be fine).

Trust me, I missed being Catholic - because I was just happy and carefree. I didn’t know much of the world or the Word. Ignorance is bliss. But my life changed as soon as I became Christian - when I professed that faith, took it seriously, and preached the gospel boldly. Now I understand the Bible even more intimately - anytime it speaks of persecution, insult, and suffering, I can relate to it. When Jesus says ‘love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you,’ it has more weight.

I don’t know where I am going with this post other than it’s a rant and a writing of personal experience. My journey as a Christian is both a blessing and a curse - in the same way the apostles have written about it. But narrow is the way that leads to life. I know persecution is part of Christian life, and I shall rejoice in it.

Repent! I say this to myself more times in a day than I address it to others. I am a sinner. Always will be. But by the grace of God and blood of Jesus on the cross I shall be justified.

Jesus is the Way. There is no other way.

[xx-slug-xx]

I’m returning from the depths for a short bit lol

Mostly to make something very clear to people who aren’t on proship Twitter or TikTok. Or like, certain radqueer communities (not all of them, just specific ones). Not that I’m engaging in any sort of call out, or informing anyone over any situation directly. Honestly, I just want to make people aware that certain things are not ok just because you drew a picture or write a fanfic.

It’s not “just fiction” if you actively want to sexually abuse someone. It’s not “just fiction” if you draw a depiction of a real life child and talk about how much you want to sexually abuse them. It’s not “just fiction” when what you’ve drawn or written is created as a form of harassment directed towards another individual or a group of people.

If you’re going to be profic or use an adjacent label, that does not make it acceptable to sexualize REAL children or harass people because they don’t agree with your self-proclaimed “right” to sexualize a REAL child. And it’s certainly unacceptable to sexualize someone’s young family member simply because you have some personal beef with them.

The moment real people are involved, it’s no longer just fiction. You can draw and write about fictional scenarios, yes. But when you involve real people (not specifically talking about celebrities and other similarly high standing figures, just internet randos) it becomes more than fiction. This is where harassment in the proship community (by proshipers) becomes the most prevalent from what I’ve seen at least.

Also, if you preach about how x-real-person or x-real-group needs to be raped, and then go on to draw those depictions, and it’s not a joke, I’m sorry but that’s more than a little concerning imo. I understand people who draw and write to cope with their intrusive thoughts or paraphilias, but when you preach about how your sexual desires that surround the concept of abusing others then you go on to draw depictions of said desires, people have every right to be concerned. Abuse should not be normalized for someone’s selfish desires. And the big three certainly should not be normalized (in practice, people with big three paras can vibe as long as it’s not acted upon irl).

Artistic expression, no matter what kind or what the driving force behind the creation of said art, is fundamentally morally good. Don’t get me wrong. However, people have every right to be upset when your driving force for creating said art is because your opinions are in favor of acting immorally in the real world. People have every right to be fearful of what someone may do when they want to hurt people and creating art that depicts it (and it’s not a way to cope). Art is just fiction, it can’t hurt you. You can enjoy it or be discussed by it. In the end, it’s not real. But the persons intent with creating that art can hurt you. It can be in the form of propaganda, it can be in the form of direct harassment. As much as I am profic, there are certain kinds of fiction that are created by certain kinds of people that are a tell for what that kind of person is capable of behind the screen. The art itself is never the red flag. It’s what the creator of said art believes in that becomes a red flag. It’s when that creator wants and plans on abusing people, and in some cases then may already have.

Sorry for my ramblings that make me sound like a mad man, but I’ve seen some horrible things said by horrible people in this past week that hasn’t set right with me. I don’t want anyone to fall down the wrong hole of the internet and not realize what they might be getting into (certain pipelines that lead to “irl child sexual abuse is fine actually”), and I want people to realize that some forms of art (the kind that depicts real people to harass someone) doesn’t mean you are immune to criticism. This could have been two separate posts, but I didn’t feel like writing two posts lol

[tmwcs]

I have a few questions it's for the "Seven" series

- Do they have encounters with Jesus, and how are they with him. Like how they are around him or how they treat him.

- When they were angels, did they have angel names.

- What do they think of Christianity, or like any kind of beliefs

- Do they follow gender roles of old times?

- What are their feelings about humanity.

- this one is the continuation of Seven, do their lovers have specific ages.

Sorry for asking so many. I'm just really curious about them ����😭 there's so many things I wanna know about this series since I love it so much, you did a great work writing it and I love the dark theme of it.

I’m sorry it took me so long to answer. 😓 there’s quite a bit below the line. Enjoy!

Edit: @bookofthebee I made edits/additions to the last answer just now. ♥️

1. So I’ve thought about this before and kind of imagined the boys meeting Jesus on separate occasions in his adolescence. I think I drafted an answer for an ask that asked something similar and Subghoons character was the only one, aside from Heelel, that didn’t meet Jesus. sunghoon stood and saw Jesus after he died on the cross and noticed his crown of thorns was on crooked and he fixed it before leaving. Kind of as a sign of respect since he’s the son of their former master.

I can’t remember ever thinking Heelel meeting Jesus because he would have no interest and considering he was disgruntled against his former master, he didn’t care enough to see him. I always imagined the rest of the princes to meet Jesus and inspire/teach him some virtues that ignited him to teach/relay onto humanity. For instance, I once pictured Mammon crossing paths with Jesus, knowing who he was and installed the lesson in “teach a man to fish…”. I also imagined Sunoo’s character talking to Jesus about Mary Magdalene. Essentially, they all treated him with fairness and kindness, while inspiring him to inherit some valuable lessons to pass along to people. Heelel was the only one that didn’t care for him and may have hated him but eventually released all grudges the same time he discovered y/n.

2. So in this particular story, since I tried my best to make it somewhat accurate/relevant to the Bible, I would say yes. they had their original names in accordance with the Bible as angels—in addition to Enhypens real names. They didn’t adapt their current Biblical names until they became the Seven Princes of Hell.

3. When it comes to religion and beliefs, since the boys have been around before humanity existed, they kind of find most of it laughable. They know the facts about God, so a lot of things that is preached by the authoritative figures of the Church are something they just scoffed at. They, along with God, know that humans are imperfect and are meant to be that way. They understand the concept of humanities existence more than anyone so when they peek in and see all types of rituals, practices, or preachings, they just kind of ignore it. If you recall the moments where Heelel has with his y/n, he teaches her the history of the world—the universe, and sets a lot of records straight. In the story, they look at religion as a system of beliefs that was made up by people to make themselves feel closer to God, and find a lot of untruths and corruption within it.

4. The boys are immortal and have an extensive sense of wisdom, foresight, and intuition. I imagined them to see themselves as superior against any man or woman because of who they are—they’re far more superior and dominant beings who are very powerful. When it comes to the outlook on humans, they probably think the gender roles as a silly rule of society since humans, regardless of gender, are all the same to each other. They might see a woman lesser than them and enforce a more submissive role on them not because of her gender, but because she is human and they are royal immortals. To a man, they’ll enslave him just the same. But fortunately they don’t care about that, they just keep to themselves and never really interfere with the growth of humanity.

5. The boys used to detest Gods will in creating mortals. Obviously Heelel was more angry about it. The younger brothers all came to peace with the existence of humanity and gradually found them somewhat interesting. Heelel went from hating humanity to really not having any thoughts about them once he found out about y/n. He no longer hates them but doesn’t really care about them either. He only loves his darling and stopped hating on humanity once he found out that she would later exist.

6. I kind of imagined that each brother would have darlings that are all diverse in age. Some older and some younger, I haven’t thought of the details but I think the oldest would be a 28 single mother that is Jake’s y/n. Jungwons story is actually very unique because he bonded with a minor during the ancient period. She was a 16 year old martyr and was the reason why he developed a fondness for cats. In present time, he’ll meet a young woman in her 20’s that is identical to that girl. That is all I will say to avoid spoiling. Lol. Sunoo’s y/n is a married young woman who is with an abusive husband—she’ll be somewhere in her early to mid 20’s. Niki’s y/n is a young girl in her late teens (maybe 18-19) who dies and becomes an angel in heaven and struggles to accept that she is no longer alive and goes to Earth to watch over her family. Jays y/n is the daughter of a high official that is held captive for ransom—she’ll be about early 20’s. I started Sunghoons story already so you can see about his y/n.

[oddygaul]

Chain Gang All-Stars

Great book.

I sort of hope Chain Gang All-Stars is never adapted into a show or movie. It’s certainly possible that it could be done with proper deference to the tone and message of the book, but I think it’s far more likely that it would end up essentially being what Chain Gang is in the story itself - a hyper-violent spectacle that people tune into because they think it’s cool and action-packed. I think Chain Gang All-Stars is very successful at walking the tightrope line of drawing the reader into the story and letting them flirt with what it must feel like to be a viewer of the program, while presenting enough reminders of its grim reality to prevent you from being totally sucked in. While there were times during the LinkLyfe segments where I was drawn in the way a viewer absorbed in a reality show would be, the battles themselves never give in to ‘just’ being badass. They were tense, certainly, and I was on pins & needles reading them, worried about the characters, but there’s a certain utilitarian brutality to the writing in those sections that keeps them grounded. I’d be worried any adaptation would make everything too stylish and exciting, thoroughly missing the point*.

*To say nothing of any potential dilution of the politics to appeal to a wider audience.

— “All other sport was just a metaphor for this.” —

Chain Gang All-Stars is incredibly good at giving every single character a depth and fullness, even ‘antagonists’, so that even the characters who infuriate us, we understand to a degree. The book doesn't justify evil deeds - there’s no excusing Wil’s dumb ass self - but it shows how easy it is for someone to placate themselves, to keep themselves on a surface level and not dig too deep into their own morality, to convince themselves that they’ve done what they could and that all those who have wrong done to them deserve what they get. The fluid perspective switches it accomplishes this with are fascinating, too. We get chapters dedicated to different characters, of course, be it our leads, our deuteragonists, and plenty of one-off side stories - standard stuff. But Adjei-Brenyah also rapidly switches between multiple perspectives within the same page, hell, the same paragraph at times, which gives us insight into a much wider breadth of viewpoints than we normally would.

By getting to see into the inner thoughts of quite a few Links, we get to see how, while their individual experiences are different, their imprisonment has broken them all in tragically similar ways. From Bishop to Sunset to Thurwar to Staxxx, we see a consistent, crippling lack of self-worth. The A-Hamm chain is unique in preaching a vision of solidarity, accepting one’s past mistakes, and focusing on how they’ve grown and changed as people. Despite this, at their core, none of them can truly find it in themselves to be forgiven, because Chain Gang grinds their lack of perceived value into them unceasingly - ultimately resulting in what is essentially suicide. The carceral system does not allow for or encourage rehabilitation, only suffering and self-hatred.

I thought it was a compelling decision to make the majority of the imprisoned characters we follow legitimate violent offenders. A lot of the abolitionist / prison-critical literature I’ve read often focuses on, or at least begins with, incarceration that is plainly, nakedly unjust, like long-serving non-violent offenders and mandatory minimum sentencing. Conversations about the treatment of murderers, rapists, etc., are naturally more fraught - it’s harder to get someone to imagine an entirely different system, rather than just adjustments to the current system.

Chain Gang All-Stars does not shy away from it one bit. We get self-reflection from multiple different Links, both those who regret what they’ve done and those who don’t; we get conflicted thoughts from family members who recognize that their lives have been fundamentally changed by the imprisonment of their kin, but are still ambivalent about forgiveness; and we get, of course, the fearmongering and appeals to pathos used by government and the media to try and stop any ideas of abolition from even beginning to take root in the minds of the public. The book understands that there’s no easy answers, and instead brings all of these perspectives to the reader, demanding they grapple with the issues themselves.

It does, however, make clear the absurdity of pretending that taking someone whose life has been indelibly touched by violence and putting them into a system that encourages and requires additional violence, by the state, by their peers, is somehow rehabilitation. It’s brought to an extreme in the novel, of course - Thurwar’s overriding instinct that every problem can potentially be solved by violence due to the constant killing she’s done is more reminiscent of a soldier returning to peacetime than anything else - but the message stands.

Some of the most powerful parallels shine through as-is, though. Even when you put aside the horror the Links are put through on a daily basis and the rampant normalization of state-sanctioned violence, the base lack of freedom and personal autonomy is what breaks people. Both during Chain Gang and our looks at other prisons, the regimented days, planned schedule, and inability to spend time or talk with the people they care about are basic human rights that are removed from prisoners every day. Hendrix’s silent prison (an idea I was horrified to find has been enacted before) shows this in one extreme - after being robbed of something as simple as his own voice for so long, Hendrix is willing to risk everything just to be able to reclaim that part of himself. Most heartbreakingly, the morning of the final doubles match, Thurwar’s only desire is to stay in bed longer with Staxxx. Leisure time with your loved ones, one of the most basic luxuries a person ought to have, seen as an unobtainable prize. Don’t need a dystopian near-future novel to see that happening.

Speaking of Hendrix Young, the voice Adjei-Brenyah uses for his sections was absolutely beautiful and oozing with character and I loved it. The way he speaks is simultaneously poetic yet so pragmatic - there’s an idiosyncratic turn of phrase in nearly every paragraph, and his love for the world and its beauty is never eclipsed by his cynicism and the horrible things happening around him. His sections were handily my favorites, despite the looming dramatic irony that overshadows them all.

— “I thought of how the world can be anything and how sad it is that it’s this.” —

As a literary device, the interspersing of worldbuilding notes and Actual Fucked-Up Prison Facts was a genius touch. By priming your brain to expect something more fantastical, the more grounded notes become something of a sucker punch. The first few are all in-universe lore explanations - they’re not entirely necessary, you could’ve pretty much got the gist through context, but the thorough explanation written almost as an ad read pulls you into the mentality of this world… so then, when it drops, say, the net worth and founding members of the Corrections Corporation of America and you get the inkling that this tidbit feels a little too specific to be made up, the lines between the book’s world and our own start to blur.

In addition to the unique cognitive dissonance it invokes, I think it’s a pretty effective strategy to convince or teach a reader who perhaps hasn’t done as much digging about the nightmare that is the American prison-industrial complex. Especially given that the main conceit of the book is a little outlandish, it’s very easy for me to imagine such a reader enjoying the story for its plot, but deflecting or doubting the themes with the classic “Oh, but this is an exaggeration - it would never happen like this! It would never be that sadistic”. In some way, the footnotes feel like the author directly responding with a “Yes, it would, and in fact has already happened this way previously”.

I do wish the footnotes stayed as dense throughout the entire book as they were at the start. In the beginning, they come hard and fast, blending the real and the fictional, keeping the reader on their toes. About a third of the way through, though, they slow to a trickle, becoming a rarity. Adjei-Brenyah keeps experimenting with what the footnotes can convey (“Don’t look down. Help me.” was particularly chilling), but the infrequency starts to make them feel like an afterthought.

— “Just jump.” —

The closer I got to the end of Chain Gang All-Stars, as fewer and fewer pages remained, I was increasingly desperate for something to break. Even as the story continued towards the inevitable, even as it showed me there could be no other way for things to go, I hoped for something else. Anything but what happened.

And yet… the ending gives this book’s message a lot of its power. It’s not a story where things always work out and the good guys always win - it’s a reflection of real problems, and those real problems don’t have such a simple solution. Chain Gang All-Stars is about people living in an unfair world, working within a cruel, unjust, system, and still finding the strength and conviction to believe that there can be positive change. It’s about knowing that progress can be slow, and that the system can feel daunting, and feeling powerless to enact change, and still imagining and pushing for the world to be better anyway. And somehow, that it faces that hopelessness head-on makes it more uplifting than a safer story with an easier ending.

[whats-the-word-again]

31 days of helpol!! Day 5, 6, and 7

(( Days 6 + 7 under the cut ))

Day five: How much have you bonded with your deities?

Uhhhh, I don’t really know if I’m being honest. I would say a decent amount? I try my best to establish some form of relationship before asking them for anything. I think I’ve bonded with Lord Ares the most, purely because of how easily I can pick up his presence and on that one occasion he told me he loved me ((NOT ROMANTICALLY)) which made me tear up a bit. He’s, despite what I thought going into his worship, very gentle - but very firm which isn’t surprising. I add to his altar most often and he’s the one whom I’ve done most of my reading with (when I was able to). He has been quite distant recently though. I understand why, it was something he wanted, and frankly something I needed. I can get obsessed over things easily and I think that’s what happened with my worship with him- I was going too quickly, so he’s drawn back until he thinks I’m ready again. 🫶

Since Lord Ares’ absence however, Lord Hypnos has popped up. And, as some of you may know, he is was VERY quick to get friendly and his presence is more often then not lingering around me. He seems fond of me?? Which is a lovely feeling and he’s so wonderful but I am very confused by his… activeness (?) around me.

Day six: What’s one way you incorporate Hellenic polytheism into your routine?

If I was to chose just ONE way that I incorporate it into my day to day would be the fact that I have so much devotional jewellery for my gods. Like- each of my deities has AT LEAST ONE piece of devotional jewellery. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s discreet. I love it. I believe Lady Aphrodite has the most dev. jewellery from me (four necklaces).

Day seven: Are you openly a Hellenic polytheist offline? How does being open / not being open effect your worship?

Yes, I’m openly a Hellenic polytheist offline. I don’t galavant it around of course, in fact the only reason why some of my friends know is because religion was brought up and I casually mentioned that I was religious (much to their surprise). Not all of my friends know, but that’s because that sorta stuff has never really been brought up and it doesn’t impact our friendship so I don’t feel there’s a need to.

Last week I think, I told my parents. Obviously a different story than my friends. They were fine with it, albeit confused and I did have to direct them to some websites so they knew wtf I was talking about. They’re fine with me being religious as long as I don’t “shove it in their face” or “preach and try to convert them” which I wasn’t going to do anyway ofc. But they don’t really understand it and I still practice as if WERE still ‘in the closet’ for their comfort. I know it’s not great, but I am still living in their house, so I’m going to respect their rules.

Me being out to my parents has changed my worship slightly. I had to throw out my tarot cards. I wanted to explain to them that that’s how I communicate to my gods, but saying those words out loud would make me sound insane to them, and it would only give them more incentive to throw them out. I’m trying to take a good stance out of this though; it’s forcing me to branch out and study other types of divination, instead of being stuck to just the one. :))

[anisespice]

It’s always been known as the Dragon’s Keep.

A stone-walled prison guarded by a ferocious, fire-breathing monster with an insatiable appetite for death and destruction, a keeper of all things valuable. Stories were spread far and wide about the greedy creatures, terrorizing lands and snatching princesses right from their homes. In the keep, she will remain trapped in the highest room of its tallest tower, no means of escape for she was now a part of the never-ending collection.

That is until the arrival of her prince, her knight in shining armor, who’d slay the beast with a courageous thrust of his mighty sword, piercing through its heart in exchange for another. She’d be rescued from an eternity of loneliness, riding off into the sunset with her true love—A happily ever after. The End.

Fairytales. Propaganda, more like.

Even when he was just a wee hatchling, IWAIZUMI knew better than to believe the falsities spread by ignorant non-magicals. No matter if they raised their pitch forks and torches till their arms grew numb, he was taught to wear his scales with pride. Dragons weren’t ferocious or greedy, they never stole nor snatched neither gem or damsel.

They were protectors.

Gentle beasts who roamed Mother Earth to bask in her warmth and enjoy the fruits of her labor. Villagers would sought out their caves for refuge against harsh winters as guests, not as hostages. Princess’s fled unwanted betrothals to hide in their tallest tower by their own free will, not stripped from their beds in the dead of night to be doomed to eternal loneliness.

Iwa wasn’t certain how the rumors began, or why. He didn’t care—Their opinions meant little to nothing to the dragon shifter. One thing was for certain, “They’re a sickness. Nothing short of a plague on our kind, and by allowing them to live it would only mean our demise.”

But, his sentiment fell upon deaf ears. Oikawa hummed absentmindedly, too busy messing with his hair using a gold-encrusted spoon as a mirror. No matter if the reptile preached until he was blue in the face, his commander wouldn’t yield even if he were paying attention. The brunette’s tail flicked in annoyance, the strong appendage whipped around to whack the fellow shifter in the back of his head.

“Oucha!” Oikawa cried out, spoon dropping on the table with a loud clatter as he used both hands to rub away the pain in his now throbbing skull. “What was that for?!”

“Have you not heard a single goddamn word I’ve said?!” Iwa bellowed, making the other wince at the volume with his developing headache.

“Can’t really hear much of anything with a concussion, y’know…”

“The younglings returned from scouting, they’ve reported human activity near one of our northern territories. We’re not certain what they’re up to, but it can’t be anything good.”

He practically shoved the scroll into Oikawa’s chest. He grunts at the force, shoots his second-in-command a half-hearted glare before taking a glance at the report. Skimming through it he pursed his lips before looking back at Iwa, wearing an expression that didn’t take long to piss the other shifter off.

Iwa glared. “What?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“What?”

“Just this...this teenie, tiny little thing, no big deal, just couldn’t help but notice-”

“Spit it out, Shitty-kawa.”

Oikawa flipped the scroll around, pointing at a particular section of the report. “[_____]’s been crossed out. Pretty sure she’s a human. Which, according to your logic, would make her dangerous. Right?”

Iwa attempted to remain neutral, but the slight flick in his tail was enough answer for the commander’s suspicions. Not to mention, the pink hue now dusting across his cheeks. “She is the only exception.”

“Uh huh. Seriously, dude, you gotta drop this radical agenda of yours because I’m certain trying to wipe out her whole species would be considered a huge turn off.”

“Shut up, you don’t know what you’re talking about. She understands my goal, we even share the same opinions.”

“Really? Such as?”

“We both agree that humans are selfish creatures fueled by fear and greed. They despise anything they don’t understand, and destroy what they can’t control. That is why they’ve painted us to be the monsters in their stories—Makes their evil deeds feel justified.”

Oikawa nodded, unconvinced. “Fascinating. What else?”

Iwa huffed, arms crossed. “We also agree that without human interference, we’d be able to restore balance in nature. Migrations would go undisturbed, vegetation would thrive due to the forests no longer being stripped of its resources—We would have a fresh start.”

“Mhm. And, does she also share your sentiments on genocide, or were you planning on shoehorning in that part of your goal to her?”

There’s a brief silence. Both dragons merely stared at one another.

“Tsk.” Was Iwa’s only response.

© 2023-2024 anisespice ッ all rights reserved.

likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!

[masterangst]

Could be More

This is a snippet that'll soon be part of my long fic but I wanted to share for angry and angsty Astarion.

Summary: Astarion and tav get in a fight about him ascending. This action will have consequences.

Word count: 560

Notes: Tav is named

“Can you imagine?” Astarion asked, letting out a breath. The smile on his face worked against the swirling mass of emotions in his eyes. “Me. Ascended. The most powerful vampire this world has ever seen.” He basked with open arms in the sun. “No longer a pathetic spawn.”

“You’re more than that.” Axel shook his head. Astarion couldn’t tell if the weariness in his eyes was from Astarion or their situation, but it soured Astarion either way.

“Pft.” He huffs. “Of course I am. And I can be even more.”

“And will that satisfy you?” Axel shot back. The tone took Astarion off guard, but Astarion was quick not to show.

He sneered. “Killing Cazador? Becoming all powerful? Of course it’ll satisfy me.”

“It doesn’t matter how much power you take, you can't escape what happened to you.” Astarion scoffed and turned on his heel. “You can’t run away from who you were. You think it will make you happy, but it won’t.”

“And what would you know?” Astarion growled. “What do you know about who I was? What do you know about any of it? You know nothing of what I’ve been through. Or of feeling helpless.” Astarion looked away, shaking away the moment of vulnerability.

Axel smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, nor was there any humor there. It was cynical and a facade. “I know that you think this ritual will kill a version in you that you think is weak and pathetic. The only reason why you want this is because you think it’ll cure you of your pain. Well, it wont. You’ll still be you. You’ll still be miserable. You’ll just end up like Cazador.”

“I will not!” Astarion grinded his teeth. He took in a deep breath to calm himself, to stop his tongue from lashing out and saying something he’d truly regret. “I’m glad to see how you really feel then.” Instead of ‘then you don’t have to stay and watch’. Even through the anger, he did not want to see where that would lead.

Axel stood up and sighed, his hand scratching his neck. “You can’t outrun the past. And the boy that you will kill will always stay inside you.” His eyes twisted something deep in Astarion, but he couldn’t understand what or why. “I think you are more powerful than you think. Capable of being better than you were, than Cazador. But you won’t find that by running.”

“You have lived a charmed life. You said it before,” the way Axel looked away brought Astarion bitter pride. “You don’t know what pain feels like. You live in complete fairy tale, where a hero comes in and saves the day. You preach yet you know nothing. What have you suffered? Nothing!”Astarion pointed at himself. “Cazador damned me. Damned me!”

Axel shot back, his intense glare burning a hole in Astarion. It made him take a step back. “And what about the rest of them. Will you damn them too?”

“I don’t care about the others!”

Axel scoffed. “Sure.” He turned and started back down the hill. Anger flared in Astarion’s chest. Was he really just walking away just like that?

“Where are you going?” Astarion put his hands on his hips. He fought against the ache in his chest. Was he leaving him?

Axel shrugged. “To my fairytale world.”

[missingn000]

Hi!! I’m sure you probably already know this but pls don’t ever feel guilty over not updating tpg in a while (and it literally hasn’t even been that long haha)! Tpg is a phenomenal and LONG fic that you busted out insanely quickly for FREE. Fans are never entitled to fanfiction and we’re all grateful that you even brought you fic to life in the first place. Personally, I’ve waited (and am still waiting) for certain fanfictions to update even after YEARS of nothing. One of my all time favs last updated probably three years ago and I continue to patiently wait for an update that will never come, but it’s ok because even if it’s never updated again, I’m glad that that fic exists because it inspires me to daydream and constantly think about it, and tpg is exactly the same. Also to work on a fic as long and detailed as tpg while also being a masters student and working in aerospace? I think you’re superhuman lowkey cuz that’s insane haha, take your time with the hiatus even if that means you won’t feel ready to come back for a few months or even over a year! An update that you can feel proud of that you didn’t struggle to create will ALWAYS be better than an update that left you stressed and didn’t come out how you wanted. I always feel for authors who say that fics that they once loved writing ended up becoming sources of pain. Also I’m so damn happy you’re into one piece and working on a seraphim ace centric fic! Literally the perfect thing to read while in between tpg updates.

Sorry if this got kinda wordy or came out of nowhere, I’m in my yearly jjk phase and I was reminded that tpg is a thing after rewatching toji in season 2, I’m catching up on tpg so I have no idea if the megumi reveal came already but I’m eager to get into the sukuna backstory >:) I know this ask is kinda like preaching to a choir since you’ve mentioned in your tpg hiatus post that you’re gonna take it easy with the fic, but I just wanted to say it from the perspective of a reader too 🫶 anyway, I love your writing style, the way you describe the appearance of certain settings made me tear up one time and the way you described getous domain was one of the more gorgeous things I had ever read. It was the same as the feelings I had while reading the description of Gojo in the fic Cannibalization of the Apex (please read that if you haven’t, it’s beautiful)

WOW I’m sorry I really didn’t shut up in this ask huh. I hope you enjoy reading it regardless 😅 have a good day/night!!

HI!! oh my god this message is SO sweet, i truly thank you from the bottom of my soul for sending it. there's definitely still a lot of lingering guilt for not updating tpg in so long, so receiving such a kind, understanding, heartfelt reassurance lifts a HUGE weight off my shoulders!! it truly means so much to me, more than i can put into words (despite being an author...) and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for sending this. you're too kind and i feel truly lucky to have a reader like you!!

AS FOR THE SERAPHIM ACE FIC -- i'm continuing to write and develop it, and i'm having a blast so far. i plan to post the first chapter (read: unleash the first slice of another monstrosity) on ace's birthday, because one of the things that stressed me out most about tpg was updating a chapter and then trying to pump out the next one ASAP, so i'm doing my mental health a favor by writing a lot ahead this time. BUT, NEVER FEAR, i'm preparing some very fun announcements regarding this fic very soon (really huge and exciting stuff, STAY TUNED) and i'll start posting previews and information about it soon!! lord knows i'm too impatient to wait until ace's birthday to actually start inflicting pain on you people. lots more to come very soon. <33 thank you again for sending this, you're too kind!!